Somewhere in South America right now, there's a girl with a heavy heart and one of the baddest funk record collections in the world. The Bearded Man is/was responsible for both. See, when he travels the world with his walking stick, people instinctively know not to mess with him. He's tough but fair, and that's why the ladies love him. One such lady got a little too close, and she started orbiting around his world. At first it was fairly casual, but then he started breaking out the funk -- the kind of funk that will make you grow out your pinky nails for reasons you'll never fully understand. On one summer night, the two spent a whole evening listening to the kind of records that will make a short man grow a foot in fifteen minutes. The real, uncut stuff. She was hooked on two things that night. However, one of them had to leave the next morning. She may be a little heartbroken that our hero didn't stay, but she'll always be glad that the records stayed right where they are.